Lesson 19: Just like my screaming baby in her highchair...

Yesterday was a doozie! It began with a less than stellar start...you can ask my friends I work with how I made a crying fool of myself! By the time I got home with Julia we were getting ready to eat supper and walk out the door for church. I think we may have been home 45 minutes total before we left. In those short few minutes she decides to have one of the biggest breakdowns I think I have ever seen. She had no desire whatsoever to stay in her highchair and eat...and I was determined she was going to stay and at least get in a few bites!!! Needless to say, after she started hyperventilating (literally) I finally got her out of the highchair. That really didn't help because at that point she was so far gone it took the rest of the time at home to get her to stop crying! Then, off to church...having not eaten a bite mind you :)

After I got home and Julia went down for the night, I threw my own little tantrum. Directed at whom, you might ask? None other than the One who gave me that sweet child in the first place. I was really struggling with the not being a stay-at-home mom issue...again. "If You are able to fix this, then why aren't You doing anything about it??"....."On a day that we are only home for 45 minutes, does our time together have to be a fighting match...not really any quality time?"..."  And the questions went on...and on...and on. Thankfully, what I had read earlier in the day popped back in my mind to help me get through the onslaught of all those emotions!...

"I'm on a diet of tears - tears for breakfast, tears for supper (didn't really know this was going to be what I had for breakfast and supper...ha!)... Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul? Why are you crying the blues? Fix my eyes on God - soon I'll be praising again. He puts a smile on my face. He's my God. When my soul is in the dumps, I rehearse everything I know of you, From Jordan depths to Hermon heights, including Mount Mizar (my Jordan depths would be how He walked us through the past 3 years of life...rehearsing over and over again what I remembered to be true of His character, not just what I felt at the time)... ~ excerpts from Psalm 42.  I wonder sometimes why my auto-pilot response is to question God instead of trust Him immediately. I certainly have no clue what He is working in our lives but I do know He is reliable. I guess that is something David struggled with as well...he had to rehearse over and over again in his mind all of the experiences in his life where God had been faithful. I have those times too where I can look back and see how He brought us through something painful, or difficult.  So at the end of yesterday I realized that the way I looked at Julia pitching a fit in her highchair was the same way God was looking at me pitching my fit. In spite of my wanting to get out of this unpleasant situation, He realizes (like I did with Julia) that sometimes staying put is the best thing...even if it isn't what I want...or like. 

Not every high chair moment is a bad one :)

 

Lesson 18: Everything Changes...almost :)

Just when I am getting used to Julia's current stage...she changes!
During her first few weeks everything was so simple...leaned back in the Boppy with the play toys hanging above her head...we would lay in the floor and "talk" forever on those days! Then she started sitting up. Still not so bad. "This is so fun," I would think...and again she would  be in one spot, playing with her toys. Got used to that and she started crawling. And it got interesting here. She was everywhere into everything! After the first few panic attacks I realized crawling wasn't so bad after all. I could still manage with her being "mobile." Then the week before her birthday she started walking. I had no clue how this really would change everything!! My thoughts were, "All of the other stages have been easy enough to handle...this one shouldn't be so bad..." Not true at all!

I don't mean "bad" as in something terrible or anything like that...I just mean nothing too hard to deal with. Boy was I in for a shock.

A few days ago we were sitting in the living room watching one of her shows and Tim was on the computer. I got up to go to the bathroom and Tim stayed with Julia in the living room. After I came back into the living room I noticed Julia was not there. I asked Tim where she was...which in retrospect was a really stupid question...since he would have been with her had he known she wasn't in the room...He said he didn't know...he thought she was with me and then off we ran! Around the corner we went to find her halfway up our staircase...turned around smiling. Geez. We win parent of the year award for that one. Needless to say, the walking stage has presented the most problems :)

All of this to make me think of my  life...each of my life stages have come with different challenges (no need to really discuss anything in particular here to save myself from major embarrassment!). Just when I am getting used to how my schedule is or where I am in life, something changes. In times like these I really find encouragement in these words...

"Jesus Christ is the SAME, yesterday, today, and forever."  ~ Hebrews 13:8
Glad I have this to hold onto today.

My little, walking girl :)

Lesson 17: Seeing it through her eyes

We had a GREAT weekend at the beach with my family! We spent our long weekend being lazy and eating good seafood. It was a lot of fun seeing everything through Julia's eyes. She had been to the beach before but she was very little and wasn't very impressed with her unfamiliar surroundings :) This weekend, however, was a lot different. We couldn't get in the door of our condo without her "ooo-ing" and "aah-ing" at everything in sight! The lights...pictures on the wall...the bathroom mirrors...even the leather couch in the lobby. I think she wanted to get out of Dothan as badly as we did!!!

The last night we went to eat at the Saltwater Grill...which, by the way, was amazing! They had a 25,000 gallon saltwater fish tank right inside the front door. It really made for a cool dining experience. She screamed and laughed the minute she saw all of those "pishies" (her word for fish).

I had been there before and remembered the fish tank and the great food. It was a good memory with family, but it paled in comparison with how fun it was experiencing it all through her eyes. She had the best time watching those fish. We all had the best time watching her :) It just makes me look forward to all of the other vacations we will have and what all she has to experience in her lifetime.

I mean if the fish tank was that exciting, can you even imagine what she will do at a place like Disney World??... ha! :)

I guess she was blowing a kiss to the fish :)

Lesson 16: Thank You God for this day

When my brother and I were little we would start every prayer we prayed like this..."Thank You God for this day, and thank You for our lives." I don't really know where we learned that introduction but it has been part of our prayers ever since.

He prayed after our band practice at church a few weeks ago and started his prayer that way. It made me think back on how we used to say that as children. Ashamed to say it...but I normally speed through that part and then get to the "real" part of my prayer. You know, the stuff that really needs to be prayed about...

Yesterday, however, was a little different. I was standing in our children's room at church, after spending the afternoon celebrating Julia's 1st birthday, and found myself saying those words over and over again. I was overwhelmed at how blessed we are to have such a great family and wonderful friends that love us and our daughter. I also couldn't believe we were celebrating her first birthday! I have to learn to say those words and mean them everyday...not just the days that I enjoy.

At the end of a long day at work...on the days where circumstances keep me from spending time with Tim and Julia like I would like to...or the days when someone I trust turns out to be a disappointment...all of those days too. That's the hard part. I easily said "Thank You God for this day", yesterday. The true test is saying them and meaning them on all other 364 days! :)

I love my party! :)

Lesson 15: It's All In The Details

What a WONDERFUL day!!! I took off of work today and spent the day with Julia. I can't believe I have a 1 year old. It has been the best day. I love celebrating birthdays, Christmases, Thanksgivings, etc. ....but I had no clue celebrating a birthday could be this much fun! I couldn't go to sleep last night because I was so excited :) I can't imagine what the night before her party is going to be like...ha!

We started our day with the "Happy Birthday" song and strawberry muffins...while watching "Super Readers"...her new favorite. After her nap we went and ate lunch with Tim, then to play with Asher. Back home for another nap and then to eat at Cracker Barrell with Te-Ta, G-Pa, Bubba, and CeCe. I know she didn't know what was going on, but she definitely LOVED all of the attention! She got some presents after supper and then off to bed.

Julia will not remember this day...but I sure will. Happy Birthday my sweet girl.

Birthday hugs :) 

Julia, CeCe, and Bubba

Our birthday girl!

Julia, G-Pa, and Te-Ta, and some crazy monkey :)

Lesson 14: Like a Child

Last night at our church we had a Worship Night. Three bands played...lots of people came...it was great. And not only because there were 3 bands or lots of people. We truly had a night centered around worshipping God.

As I was standing on stage singing with our band, I looked out across the audience and saw people with their hands raised all over the audience. It was encouraging to see people participating in worship that way. I looked over to my right and saw a little girl with both of her hands up, her eyes closed, and singing her heart out! She knew every word to the song by memory. She had heard that one before. The words were,

"At the cross I bow my knee. Where Your blood was shed for me. There's no greater love than this. You have overcome the grave. Your glory fills the highest place. What can separate me now?"

It was evident she meant every word she was singing. I had a hard time not getting a bit emotional when I saw this because as adults we have such a hard time expressing how we feel about God. We get caught up in what we look like when we raise our hands or how we sound when we sing out loud. She didn't care. I am pretty sure she wasn't thinking, "I wonder if anyone is looking at me right now"...."I hope I am not too loud"...she was just simply singing to God.

Out of everything that happened over the course of the 2 hours we were at church that image of her stuck in my head. Then I got a text from my mom with this picture of Julia from the Worship Service.

We are God's CHILDREN...maybe we should try worshipping Him like they do...

Lesson 13: More Than The Sands of the Sea

2nd day back to work...oh summer where did you go??!! :) Needless to say, everything was very busy today. Lots of meetings and standing in the middle of my classroom wondering where to put everything and where to start...

In the middle of this hectic day, my mind was filled with thoughts of Julia. "It's 9:00. She is getting ready to take a nap"....."Waking up from a nap...she is probably eating a snack now"....."I hope she did ok when Tim left her this morning..." and on and on and on.

It truly is impossible to go through a day away from Julia, busy as it may be, and not be consumed with thoughts of her. I am constantly thinking of her...I even caught myself looking at pictures of her on my phone today during our faculty meeting! This whole scenario makes me think of this wonderful passage...

"How precious are your thoughts concerning me O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand." Psalm 139:17-18

He thinks of me more than I could possibly think of my sweet girl. What a thought...more than the sands of the sea.